Yes, my exams are now over, and I'm finally free from school... FOREVER! Okay, for 10 weeks. But seriously, those 24 exams in the last six weeks have been a bitch. I'm glad they're finally over.
On the downside: No new arts or photographs I'm afraid. My camera broke in early Spring and I've been really busy doing school artwork.
On the upside: I'm getting a proper DSLR at the end of the week, so hopefully I'll be able to get some good snaps over the summer holidays. That, and I've got plenty of time to do some art. If that happens, it will probably be LBT art again, because I've been back into that ever since the announcement of LBT 14. Now then, if you've known me since 2013, pay attention to this bit. It's important. If you've been following me since this year, then you can stop reading here.
Basically, I owe an apology to everyone I knew in 2013. As some of you may or may not know, I completely vanished from the internet for about an entire year. Now, if I wasn't supposed to be doing stuff with other people at the time, then maybe that would have been fine. But I was
supposed to be doing stuff with other people. Both in real life and online, I was supposed to be at least giving some input into some projects, whether they were my own or somebody else's. And then, I hit a bit of a rough patch in my teenage life.
I ditched everybody. I disappeared with no explanation, and probably left people feeling confused, and annoyed.
I haven't really told anybody this, and I'm not going to go into much detail now, but both my home and school life wasn't at it's greatest in late 2013/2014, though that's not an excuse for my actions at all. I was going through puberty properly, my hormones were all over the place, and I'll admit, I became a pretty impatient bitch. And I hated myself for that. Mixed with my lack of self-esteem, my mum planting insecurities into my head regarding some of my RL friends, difficulties with my own identity, and my own impatience (more with myself then anything), I was pretty much driven back into another teenager-down-in-the-dumps episode. It wasn't proper depression since I managed to hide it from most people, but I felt like nothing more than crap. I lost interest in everything and as such I lost interest in doing anything on the internet. So I vanished from the net, and I isolated myself from people in RL. Obviously, it wasn't the best decision I've made in my life.
Honestly, I seriously fucked up, and my reputation suffered because of it. I've realised that my original work will probably never take off (I've written two chapters but it's nothing worthy of uploading), and everything else I was doing in terms of my own fanfiction went on a very long hiatus (fortunately, a certain one hasn't died just yet), but I want to thank everyone who supported me through it all anyways. I'm sorry I couldn't deliver in the end.
And I am sorry. I am so, so sorry for what I did. Maybe it isn't as bad as I'm making it, and maybe some people don't see it as a big deal, but I do. I gave some people false hope, and I was enthusiastically talking at one moment and then completely absent the next. This was my doing and I honestly don't think I could feel any more regret than I do now. When I did make a return to the internet, I didn't apologise straight away for disappearing. Instead, I tried to pretend like nothing had happened. Again, another stupid mistake on my behalf. Now that school is done for and I can finally think properly for myself, I can think over more about my past actions. I can't make an excuse for any of it, because despite the fact that I wasn't having the greatest time of my life, none of it should have resulted me acting the way I did. It doesn't matter how I felt; I shouldn't have done it. And I sorely regret it, because I lost good friends because of my actions.
I believe that I have matured a lot since then, and maybe it was what happened in 2014 that made me. I realised that I needed to get a grip and that the only person who could change me was me. I've realised that it isn't all about me any more. If I'm going to be a good friend, then I need to keep in touch a little more often. I've also managed to become a lot more patient. Maybe that's just part of growing up, though I look at myself often now, point out my character flaws, and try to make myself a better person.
If there's anything I can do, please let me know. I'm going to try and be on as often as I can now, and I'll respond as quickly as I can too.
Well, I'd better head to bed now. It's officially my last day of school tomorrow, so whoo!